look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
