im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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