K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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