I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
