Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize