I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
