it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
