i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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