I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize