STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
