he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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