my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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