I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
