but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
