I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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