I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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