I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
