DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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