I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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