I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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