It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
