By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Can I color on your dick again?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
