Screwed.edu
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
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