So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I am mentally ready for anal.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
