i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He kissed a someone with a penis
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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