Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I forget how to act sober
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
