Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
