I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
