I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
