either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
