I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
