I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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