Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I believe in your delicious
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
