So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You ate ashes out of my bong
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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