Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
