Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
