How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
