I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
