that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
