We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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