I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize