I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
