His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
