bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
