The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
