he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
