What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
