My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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