she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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