I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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