I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
