I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
