I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
