just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
