I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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