It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
