im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
