What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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