At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
