She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
