i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Text me some of your sweat
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
