i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
