We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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