the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
