yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
